November 2022 Musings

November 2022 Musings

I Hope You Dance 

Happy November everyone, and happy fall as well! It’s been a minute, as we say here in the south. I hope that you are all happy and healthy and looking forward to the holidays. I am definitely looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I must say that what I have been doing the most this month is looking backward instead.

My oldest daughter just got married! She married a wonderful young man of longtime family friends, and I couldn’t be more excited or happy for her. And yet…
    
I find myself caught in an interesting moment in time that exists almost simultaneously in the past, present and future. I walk around my home doing ordinary chores and activities, but my mind seems to be mostly in the past remembering moments from my daughter’s childhood. And then my phone will chime, and I am back firmly in the present as she asks for my advice about a recipe. When we finish talking, I’m surprised to find myself in the future thinking about my grandchildren to come. But only until I visualize decorating a playroom for them filled with my daughter’s favorite old books and dolls, and then suddenly I am in the past again, having come full circle.

Most of the people in my life do not realize that I am living in these multiple timelines, and I haven’t talked it over in depth with my daughter either. Not yet. I don’t want her to worry about me; I only want her to revel in this exciting season and look forward with joy to each dawning day of her new life. 

But when we do sit down with tea one day in the future, this is what I will tell her-

     It has been an honor and a privilege being your mom. You were a miracle from the moment you were born, the pediatrician present at my emergency c-section told me so, and you will always be a miracle.
     I used to see you hold out your tiny hand for the healthy snacks I made for you when you were little, and now I see you cooking healthy meals in your own kitchen.
     I used to see you draw in your sketch pad while I worked on my meal plan for the week, always trying to stretch a small budget over a lot of meals, and now I see you working hard to create your own budget friendly meal plan with creativity and love.
     I used to fold your small socks and dresses, and now I see you sitting on your bed folding your husband’s big work clothes.
     I see the love and nurturing that I poured into you being poured back out into your husband from a supply that I know will never end.
     I see your eyes lit up on Christmas morning, I see you on stage acting in the plays you loved so much, I see you singing ‘The Climb’ at your voice recital, and I know that your climb has just begun.
     I can’t wait to see you with your own children, but I will still always see you as a child yourself, running across the sun-dappled backyard in your sundress with your long, curly hair streaming behind you.
     I’ll hear your golden bracelets jingling on your arm as you come down the stairs with your Bible to sit at our sunlit table with me in the mornings.
     I remember when Grandma dedicated to you the song ‘I Hope You Dance’, and she also bought you a gift book with the cd in the back. We tucked the book away in your hope chest where it will stay now in your new home. Your hopes and dreams came true, and you are married to the love of your life. I am so thankful, and I agree with Grandma. What I desire the most for you is a joyful, passionate life full of love and simple pleasures.
     I hope you dance.

So back to you, my friends. If you have children, love them well- even after sleepless nights, even in the hard times. Their years at home will go by astoundingly fast. The memories you are making now, will be the ones flashing through your mind in the future when you, too, begin living in multiple timelines all at once.


        Love,
        Stac

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