February 2022 Musings

Don’t Give Up?

February 2022 Musings
Don’t Give Up?


     Happy February everyone! And guess what? We made it through January again! I don’t know about you, but getting past January each winter always gives me hope. Warmer weather is coming! In North Carolina where I live, February is also the month that the beautiful Daffodils come out and brighten up the drab winter landscape with their cheerful yellow color and their promise that spring is on the way.
     This month I have been musing about three little words- DON’T GIVE UP. I like the words. I like what they stand for, and I tend to use them frequently with only the best of intentions. It has come to my attention, however, that some of you don’t share my fondness for the don’t give up mentality, and you have every right to feel that way. There are many on the “don’t give up team” when it comes to encouraging each other in the writing community through the arduous process of querying and trying to become published, but if that advice doesn’t resonate with you it is a perfectly valid experience. To illustrate, I am going to share one of my biggest parenting failures with you.
     When my oldest son was younger, he was involved in community theater with my daughter. She loved it, and he didn’t. During one play, he went through the audition process and was given his part. Then he decided that he wanted to drop out. Because I wanted to teach him an important life lesson, I encouraged him not to give up. I’m sure I gave an impassioned speech on how life was going to be hard, and how he had to learn to persevere even when he didn’t feel like it. You know the sort of speech- be strong, finish what you start, don’t let others down. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, he did learn his part and stick it out through that whole play. As I recall, he did so without complaining, too. But do you know what? Years later we drove by the old school where they had play practice twice a week, and my son told me that he still gets sick to his stomach every time he passes the building. It broke my heart, I can tell you. He hated that experience so much that it affected him mentally and physically, even years later. 
     I respond well to DON’T GIVE UP. My grandfather taught it to me through many life lessons, and it has helped me throughout my life. It helps me tremendously with my writing and querying, which can be such a demoralizing experience. But my son did not respond well to that kind of motivation. You might be like me, or like my son, or somewhere in between. The point is that everyone does not need to be pushed at all times. And you don’t need to push yourself to the breaking point, either. If it is your personality to go hard and never give up, then draw on that strength to help you when you need it. But you are just as strong and special if you need to take a step back and focus on self-care for a time. If you are exhausted from banging your head against the publishing industry wall, it is okay to take a detour and do something else and look for joy elsewhere. If you love to write and it is your dream, you can come back to it, or take a less traditional route to publication.
     The moral of this long-winded blog post story is to live in the present moment as much as possible. Life is short. My son’s experience in theater was many years ago, and yet it feels like it was just yesterday. Use helpful advice and well-intentioned cheerleading from others if it resonates with you, and discard the rest. If you are the type of person who thrives on encouragement and who loves to be pushed when you feel like you might quit, then I will say it again- DON’T GIVE UP. If, on the other hand, you do not want to hear those three words again, then I understand. And I believe in you whether or not you ever get published, just because you’re you.

                                                                                                Love,
                                                                                                  Stac